December 2014
Welcome --
"Most people are only as needy
as their unmet
needs."
(Amir Levine)
Recently, in session with a client, we were working with the "ties that bind" -- family
issues and the power of attachment that can surface so easily this time of year.
We all have patterns of connecting.Too often, they're reduced to attachment or detachment. Period.
Yes, we learn from our family how to / not
to relate, and often there is a stubborn longing that resists resolution.
What if we take our learning even farther back? Back to the moment when we, as a fertilized egg, settled into our mother's uterine lining.
What might
the quality of that have been? Were we nestled warmly? or surrounded by a sensation of something overwhelming us? or were we barely cradled? In this latching on, how did we attach?
That very moment might be what drives the quality of our relationships. Were we truly welcomed? overcome? or hardly received?
Can't this be a metaphor for us to explore our challenges around connecting?
Note I say metaphor. This is just another way to practice and unwind what we keep playing out even to this day.
Personally, I have this sense that I originally settled into an environment of ambivalence. Looking at things this way softens my critical Inner Voice when I can't make a decision. It can support my ability to consider several possibilities at a time -- and -- reminds me that what seems to be my aloofness might be hardwired. It also explains the polarity of my yearning for connection and deep appreciation of solitude.
The practice? As ever:
Stop.
Breathe.
Check in with your Bodymind.
Are you connecting or attaching?
Are you in the moment or replaying
an original pattern?
Try it -- it might soften the edges around some of your most painful relationships. Are they true connections? or "latch-tachments"?
"Why was I holding on to
something that would never be mine?
But isn't that what people
do?"
(Bret Easton Ellis)
